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Didn't realize that I'm the biggest jerk in the world..... =/

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More than enough

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Having one of those days..maybe weeks.. where I can't help but question why...why did God bring me here? Why did He lead me HERE? Of all the places I could have settled comfortably in. Of all the things I could somewhat adequately do. Why here? IN this that I can not seem to do. Why did God place me of all people here. I keep listing the reasons in my mind, why I certainly don't belong. I'm not smart enough, skilled enough, productive enough, tough enough, outgoing enough, tall enough..the list continues. (its a long list.) And my list of all my failures leads me to this one question that pounds against my tiny brain, why did God bring me here. Am I reasoning with God's infinite wisdom? I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything. but this: I'm so unable. And in the back corners of my heart, where the child like faith is hidden so well, beneath my aging 20's something exterior, I hear my heart telling me that when I cannot, God can. When I am unable. He ...
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Why Medicine?

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(Disclaimer: This is gonna be a sappy post. Tomorrow I'll have something emo or angry to impart. But today, cheesy it will be!)  Today a patient came into the ED (emergency department) for suicidal ideation. And after the ER doc, I was the next in line as a medical student on psychiatry call to see her. As slow as I am, I spent some time piecing together her life, listening to her story as she spilled the contents of her broken heart to a complete stranger.  After the story was compiled and then reported to my 'boss', we went into the room to meet the women with the broken heart.  He asked her questions. Questions that I forgot to ask, pieces that I missed. Somewhere between the beginning and the end, he asked if she was continuing to have suicidal thoughts. And she replied no. With a slight smile now she said talking it out with me made her feel better... Its funny really... This experience has made me realize that my love for medicine has nothing to do with medicine....
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dead to sin

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Gal 2:18- For if I build again those things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor. Paul said that he does what he doesn't want to do and doesn't do what he knows he should do. I find myself there too. More often than not. Those things that I am convicted in my heart as wrong, dead wrong, I find myself doing. In realizing it, I don't even stop. What does that make me other than guilty, sad, and sorry. It makes me a transgressor. A sinner. Those sins that I once tore down with the declaration that I would never walk that line again, I build those very sins up if I keep on doing it, after the fact. It doesn't end there however, because (20) "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me" Everyday, every moment, every second in a life drenched in sin, I MUST remember that I am DEAD to this life as I...
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