More than enough

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Having one of those days..maybe weeks.. where I can't help but question why...why did God bring me here? Why did He lead me HERE? Of all the places I could have settled comfortably in. Of all the things I could somewhat adequately do. Why here? IN this that I can not seem to do. Why did God place me of all people here. I keep listing the reasons in my mind, why I certainly don't belong. I'm not smart enough, skilled enough, productive enough, tough enough, outgoing enough, tall enough..the list continues. (its a long list.) And my list of all my failures leads me to this one question that pounds against my tiny brain, why did God bring me here. Am I reasoning with God's infinite wisdom? I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything. but this: I'm so unable.

And in the back corners of my heart, where the child like faith is hidden so well, beneath my aging 20's something exterior, I hear my heart telling me that when I cannot, God can. When I am unable. He is more than able. I don't have some amazing profound thing to impart to you world, but I have this little whisper- that God is enough when we are not... God has always been more than enough to bridge the great divide of all the failures and inadequacies of my life.  He did it on the a wooden cross, as He bore the sins of the world, filling up the gap that kept dirty, sinful me away from a real relationship with holy GOd. God did it as I graduated from high school, far from the high honors that my friends graduated with. God did it as I applied with a less than adequate MCAT score to medical school. He did it last month, last week, yesterday. He did it today. And the whisper in my heart tells me that I am standing right side up today, not because I'm smart enough, talented enough, skilled enough...ect. (I think we established the truthful point that all these things, I am not) but I stand because He is more than enough. "And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness'' 2 Corin 12:9

A patient told me today, almost prophetically, to keep pressing forward and not look behind. I think I'll take his advice today.


Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 15, 2012 at 8:51 AM

    To be honest, I've read this post several times before deciding to post something b/c it's exactly the way I've been feeling... "What am I doing in med school? I'm so not god enough. Why am I fail?" And then I came to this realization...
    There's a couple passages in the Bible where it starts off as "My ways are not your ways and my thoughts are not your thoughts..." That phrase kept repeating in my head until it made me whisper a prayer of thanks in that God doesn't see us according to worldly standards or the standards we put ourselves against. He thinks of us as His precious children whom He has great plans for... And though we can't see the other side sometimes or feel like we're drowning or suck at life... God is right there saying, "My grace is sufficient enough for you & I will never leave you, so keep going. You won't drown."
    There's a lot of times where I feel like Peter stepping out to walk on water with Jesus... What an amazing thing Christ called him to do, but due to a momentary lack of faith, Peter began to drown... That's how we are. God has called us to do amazing things & when we doubt, we begin to drown. But like with Peter, Christ is always there to save... So all we gotta do is cry out when we're drowning or don't feel good enough.
    Keep trucking, Sheba J!
    -Z

    ReplyDelete
  2. ShebaApril 19, 2013 at 5:30 PM

    Love this Z! ' All we gotta do is cry out' amen!! :)

    ReplyDelete

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