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Reminiscing of who I used to be. And what God has called me from. What God has called me TO. And that is a lot to ponder about.

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missing the obvious

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I find myself in a funk today that I find myself in every so often.. it often happens when my life hangs in a haze, when all I see is fog and the beautiful sun glazed path to a beautiful and bright tomorrow isn't so obvious. My attitude shows it. My speech declares it. My life displays it. And yet I miss the obvious. Something ain't right... And it took me more than a second to realize that - that something is with me. I took a breath in a conversation with my cousin yesterday and realized my groans and complaints echoed through the empty car. These days, I have more complaints before the throne of God than praise for the infinite things that keep me walking instead of crawling. Rather than listing the things that I find wrong and totally unfair on this blog and further fuel my attitude of non-gratitude, I'll tell you what God kindly told me the other day...that I mildly ignored.  (How amazing is the love of God that kindly nudges us and whispers to us wisdom to dra...
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Having one of those days..maybe weeks.. where I can't help but question why...why did God bring me here? Why did He lead me HERE? Of all the places I could have settled comfortably in. Of all the things I could somewhat adequately do. Why here? IN this that I can not seem to do. Why did God place me of all people here. I keep listing the reasons in my mind, why I certainly don't belong. I'm not smart enough, skilled enough, productive enough, tough enough, outgoing enough, tall enough..the list continues. (its a long list.) And my list of all my failures leads me to this one question that pounds against my tiny brain, why did God bring me here. Am I reasoning with God's infinite wisdom? I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything. but this: I'm so unable. And in the back corners of my heart, where the child like faith is hidden so well, beneath my aging 20's something exterior, I hear my heart telling me that when I cannot, God can. When I am unable. He ...
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Why Medicine?

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(Disclaimer: This is gonna be a sappy post. Tomorrow I'll have something emo or angry to impart. But today, cheesy it will be!)  Today a patient came into the ED (emergency department) for suicidal ideation. And after the ER doc, I was the next in line as a medical student on psychiatry call to see her. As slow as I am, I spent some time piecing together her life, listening to her story as she spilled the contents of her broken heart to a complete stranger.  After the story was compiled and then reported to my 'boss', we went into the room to meet the women with the broken heart.  He asked her questions. Questions that I forgot to ask, pieces that I missed. Somewhere between the beginning and the end, he asked if she was continuing to have suicidal thoughts. And she replied no. With a slight smile now she said talking it out with me made her feel better... Its funny really... This experience has made me realize that my love for medicine has nothing to do with medicine....
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