Psalms 139:16

When I started high school, I was so sure I wanted to be a journalist. Then one day, the wind blew that desire from my heart. A couple of years ago, I was so sure I wanted to be with "this guy". Today, that idea is a joke. So many times I've prayed for the things I wanted, only to realize, days or months or years later, I didn't/don't want that. Today, I want what He wants. Only what He wants. I will not be a Balam , a man of God, who casually ignores the voice of God, so much so that his donkey had to speak for him to realize what God wanted. Remember when Jesus called Peter satan ? Jesus rebuked Peter in Matthew 16, (i think it was Mt. 16) and said Peter you're interests are not God's interest. Oh God, rebuke me if my interests are selfish. I desire what you desire for me! I don't want to be dumb as a donkey or evil canevil satan who deviates from the planning of God's purposes. I want so many things today. I want my dream job with my dream hou...

"...I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." -Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken A sigh of relief perhaps. To have traveled, not like all the rest, but to be scared and look past all the fear, and strive into the unknown path that only God himself has written for us. Ps. 23 says "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff comfort me."Even in all the pain of life in the valley, God is with me. As shepherd in the storm, God does not leave His sheep. And He will not leave me. Nor you. And years and years will pass, and looking back we'll sigh. A sigh of relief. We did not travel the path that the world has taken. We have traveled the path of the few, and that, THAT has made the difference. The travel has made the difference in our character. our faith. our hope. our successes....

I spent this past week as a worry wart, stressing about my research project and a poster that was due Friday. So, Monday and Tuesday come. I ran my slot blot for 2 sets, then waited for my results. And we decided to get the numbers for that set of data and make a poster with the preliminary data. The greater part of Tuesday was spent cramming for two exams. Wednesday I had two exams: Physics and Physiology. All went well by the grace of God and nothing else. Return to Wednesday night and I'm in the lab, getting numbers. Thursday I made my graph and showed my mentor. Mentor's response, such and such looks totally crazy. a plausible "artifact". artifact? error perhaps. artifact? I'm not even that smart. And let alone that deceptive. I can't even keep a straight face when I play poker! Nevertheless, he told me to run with another pair of cell line data. So Thursday morning before Calculus, I crunched the numbers and made a graph, worked on the poster, and ra...

In the lab. Working away. Working my whole life away under the pressures of discovering the next biggest life changing dynamic cure for the blemishes we perceive under our skin. Could it be those blemish are the very ones that gives us our sanity. Perfection, after all, is such a hard thing to keep up with. Provides us protection against the overinflated human ego. Ms. Invincible, you, my sweet dear, are a human. Plain and simple. Plain and simple, blemished, stained, mistaken dear. And the great irony is that the more we realize our stained life of problems and mistakes, we inevitably discover that life isn't about perfection, its about all the mistakes that make you dependent on His plans. Life is about discovery. But what humanity got all wrong is life is about discovering the Christ on the cross. SomeOne so perfect yet marred beyond perfection for our sin stains. Taking our place. Paying the price of Life. And with all the tears I have cried. The prayers I've whispered in t...