"those who cannot remember the past..."
I had a rough night. Few nights actually. They really didn't tell me how rough residency is. My skin is thicker that it once was, but there are days when the hurt of the day floods in, often in my car as I drive away from work. And the tears spill out, and my heart is laid bear.. And there are days that I wish with all my heart that I was anywhere but here. Here, where my failure is always at the forefront. Where I always feel worn out. Where I hurt and I hide it with a pasted smile. Where I feel so inadequate, not good enough for this task.. Here, where I feel so alone without my family and my closest friends. And if I am truly being honest with you I started writing this a few weeks ago with a tremor in my hands, and tears streaming down my face. Because if you knew...If you knew only knew how much my heart and my mind and my body hurts .....I'm standing here in this place where I feel so small and so unable,, I'm standing, maybe similar to a place you too have stood, with this question that constantly floods my mind.. how is it possible that could God use someone like me in this task that is often so difficult for me?
You've heard the phrase 'those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it". Well, the pages of my close companion whispers such a past lest we forget and repeat it. The pages of my Bible remind me of the legend, the story of Joshua and Caleb as young men going on an undercover mission to Canaan, the promised land. with a few other choice men from Israel Numbers 13:17 " Then Moses sent them to spy out the land of Canaan..." This quest was not commissioned by Moses. He sent them on their way. But it was commissioned by Commander-in-Chief God, Himself. Deuteronomy 9:1 "Here O Israel: You are to cross over the Jordan today and go in". God's command was GO IN. Cross over. "...to dispossess nations greater and mightier than yourself, cities great and fortified up to heaven, a people great and tall, the descendants of the Anakim..Therefore understand today that the Lord your God is He who goes before you as a consuming fire, He will destroy them and bring them down before you; so you shall drive them out and destroy them quickly.."
And so these guys went and observed the land of Canaan. Observed the land in all its glory. But what these undercover spies saw before them resulted in two very different observations and two completely different responses. One, "We went to the land where you sent us. It truly flows with milk and honey.... Nevertheless, the people who dwell in the land are strong. the cities fortified. and very large, moreover we saw the descendants of Anak there. ..we are not able to go against the people for they are stronger than we". They looked. They walked. And the land itself was just as God promised but God sure did not stress how big these guys were. And in comparison, the spies realized they were puny and unfitv"grasshoppers" to conquer this land. Logistically. Rationally. This was an impossible task. Their weakness and the comparative strength/might of their enemies clouded their task, their purpose. The other response? Numbers 14: 8 "if the Lord delights in us, then He will bring us into the land.. the LORD is with us. Do not fear them". Joshua and Caleb looked. They walked. And the land itself was just as God promised. They also saw a this land, the great and mighty people. But their eyes were fixed on God. They realized that no matter how big the task is, how little their strength was, God was still bigger, greater. His promise would prevail. They trusted the promise of God. They planted their feet on faith and not on fear. They didn't compare and compromise their faith.
Two choices. Stay and fight. Run and find safety. History records that Israel decided to go along with the majority. They ran for cover. They didn't enter the promise land until a few decades later when their faith would be stronger. By that time, all were long dead except those two guys whose faith was bigger than their fear.
'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it". The quest will always great. The call is always weighty. Painful is often the journey to the fulfillment of our purposes. And there will always be those two choices: Stay and fight. Run and find safety. But if the command to go in is backed up by God Himself, then victory will be as He promised.
The command is to cross over that which towers over us as an obstacle. "Go in and dispossess" things that are hard and tough for you. Not with your ability. Not because you are strong, Not because you are smart. Not because you are good enough. But because He is stronger than the weight of your greatest problem. Because He is smarter than the smartest you ever have to be. Because He is always with you. "Go in and dispossess" Because He promised that He would destroy obstacles and challenges as they arise. His promise thousands of years ago stands today. "Therefore understand today that the Lord your God is He who goes before you as a consuming fire, He will destroy them and bring them down before you". He is a Consuming Fire. He is a Warrior. He will destroy and bring down those problems as they arise. That's His duty.
My duty? Your duty? To go in. Stay and fight. Fight for your promise, your job, your marriage, your children. Your duty? To face those challenges head on. To face tomorrow not with fear but with faith that He stands with His children. Don't compare and hence compromise your faith. Don't look at others and their great abilities. Fix your eyes of Christ. Don't look at your inabilities. Fix your eyes of Christ. See your promise. And stand in faith. Stay and fight on.
You've heard the phrase 'those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it". Well, the pages of my close companion whispers such a past lest we forget and repeat it. The pages of my Bible remind me of the legend, the story of Joshua and Caleb as young men going on an undercover mission to Canaan, the promised land. with a few other choice men from Israel Numbers 13:17 " Then Moses sent them to spy out the land of Canaan..." This quest was not commissioned by Moses. He sent them on their way. But it was commissioned by Commander-in-Chief God, Himself. Deuteronomy 9:1 "Here O Israel: You are to cross over the Jordan today and go in". God's command was GO IN. Cross over. "...to dispossess nations greater and mightier than yourself, cities great and fortified up to heaven, a people great and tall, the descendants of the Anakim..Therefore understand today that the Lord your God is He who goes before you as a consuming fire, He will destroy them and bring them down before you; so you shall drive them out and destroy them quickly.."
And so these guys went and observed the land of Canaan. Observed the land in all its glory. But what these undercover spies saw before them resulted in two very different observations and two completely different responses. One, "We went to the land where you sent us. It truly flows with milk and honey.... Nevertheless, the people who dwell in the land are strong. the cities fortified. and very large, moreover we saw the descendants of Anak there. ..we are not able to go against the people for they are stronger than we". They looked. They walked. And the land itself was just as God promised but God sure did not stress how big these guys were. And in comparison, the spies realized they were puny and unfitv"grasshoppers" to conquer this land. Logistically. Rationally. This was an impossible task. Their weakness and the comparative strength/might of their enemies clouded their task, their purpose. The other response? Numbers 14: 8 "if the Lord delights in us, then He will bring us into the land.. the LORD is with us. Do not fear them". Joshua and Caleb looked. They walked. And the land itself was just as God promised. They also saw a this land, the great and mighty people. But their eyes were fixed on God. They realized that no matter how big the task is, how little their strength was, God was still bigger, greater. His promise would prevail. They trusted the promise of God. They planted their feet on faith and not on fear. They didn't compare and compromise their faith.
Two choices. Stay and fight. Run and find safety. History records that Israel decided to go along with the majority. They ran for cover. They didn't enter the promise land until a few decades later when their faith would be stronger. By that time, all were long dead except those two guys whose faith was bigger than their fear.
'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it". The quest will always great. The call is always weighty. Painful is often the journey to the fulfillment of our purposes. And there will always be those two choices: Stay and fight. Run and find safety. But if the command to go in is backed up by God Himself, then victory will be as He promised.
The command is to cross over that which towers over us as an obstacle. "Go in and dispossess" things that are hard and tough for you. Not with your ability. Not because you are strong, Not because you are smart. Not because you are good enough. But because He is stronger than the weight of your greatest problem. Because He is smarter than the smartest you ever have to be. Because He is always with you. "Go in and dispossess" Because He promised that He would destroy obstacles and challenges as they arise. His promise thousands of years ago stands today. "Therefore understand today that the Lord your God is He who goes before you as a consuming fire, He will destroy them and bring them down before you". He is a Consuming Fire. He is a Warrior. He will destroy and bring down those problems as they arise. That's His duty.
My duty? Your duty? To go in. Stay and fight. Fight for your promise, your job, your marriage, your children. Your duty? To face those challenges head on. To face tomorrow not with fear but with faith that He stands with His children. Don't compare and hence compromise your faith. Don't look at others and their great abilities. Fix your eyes of Christ. Don't look at your inabilities. Fix your eyes of Christ. See your promise. And stand in faith. Stay and fight on.
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