Psalms 139:16

There is a boy I know, who with his little hands tries to hold the fabric of his family together. One day, while I was over, he hushed, with a tremendous hush, the heated discussions his mother and father was having over something small. What I love about this boy, is that he tries to hold his messed up, dysfunctional family together. And days will pass, the pages will turn, and the little boy will grow up to a man still holding on to something that is tattered and torn. No matter, he will try. He'll try with all his might to hold the bricks of the beautiful house together, intact, so that the world outside will not see the caved in ceiling and the leaking roof. What the boy does not realize is that it will come crashing down. It always does. One blow of the nasty wolf and the house will crash. And he will still try to hold the pieces together with his hands until his hands blister and bleed. The day will come, that he won't be able to hold his family intact. Mother and Father ...

I've always wondered if God really speaks to people. I think He speaks. But we (mostly me) are so busy listening to ourselves and the people around us that we miss what God is telling us. Yesterday and today, God just brought this ver se in my heart-- godliness with contentment is great gain. (1 Timothy 6:6) You might ask me why. And I wasn't too sure myself. I haven't read that verse in a really long time. It didn't really make sense to me when I heard it the first time God spoke it in my heart -- Why would God break through my self-centered world to send me this particular message? Today, I began to feel sorry for myself, some cause I have two left feet and can't dance to save my life. mostly because I don't seem to fit the mold, I feel forgotten. awkward. different. I'm not the standard in any sense. Maybe not really who I was, not so naive, but not really not who I want to be, not mature nor well read. And then the Word of God screams -- Godliness wit...

I am trying to study now. But it is so hard, for so many reasons. But what makes me sit here still is what I read in Proverbs 10:5 "He who gathers crops in summer is a prudent son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son". So summer (or whatever is left of it), I will use you prudently! So as I was sitting here, trying (really really trying) to study, I looked down at my palms, on to the lines etched into my skin. Some believe that a person's entire life is written on one's palm. We had a sleepover once at my aunt's house (she's not too much older that I) and she looked at my palms and told me that I have a lot of enemies. Man, talk about shooting down a kid's self esteem. And she also mentioned something about having a lot of boyfriends and children. Both of which (thankfully) has not happened as of yet. Anyways, coming back to the subject at hand (no pun intended), Isaiah 49:16 says that God has engraved our names upon the palms of His...

Something I am very bad about is keeping in touch and staying in touch with people that I care about. And what I love about this whole situation that I'm such a failure at, is when people that I don't reach out to, care enough about me to not let me go into my own little world but nag, yell, and get angry at me until I do pick up the phone to call (or text..which is still progress in my book). I love that my family would love me enough to yell at me. That's what keeps me sane or something close to it I suppose.